Feb 15, 2009

Sunday Satire

By Andy Borowitz

In testimony before Congress today, Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner warned that by continuing to talk he might plunge the nation into a depression.

"The nation's economy is in a crisis that could easily turn into a catastrophe," the treasury secretary said. "In this precarious state, it is highly vulnerable to my talking."

Geithner pointed to the Dow Jones Industrial Average's 300-point drop during his congressional testimony as proof that his amorphous statements posed a serious threat to the economy.

"What further damage could my vague remarks do?" he asked. "The truth is, I don't know."

At a town hall meeting in Indiana, President Barack Obama heard from a housewife, Carol Foyler, 47, who pleaded with the president to make Geithner stop talking.

"Every time he opens his mouth, I'm afraid I'm going to lose my house," she said.

In other news, Obama picked up support for his stimulus package from an unexpected source today as Yankee slugger Alex Rodriguez said that he was "totally in favor of stimulus."

"Sometimes when you have to get the job done, you need a shot in the arm," he said.